人は何故 人は何故 限られた時間の中で愛し失い傷ついて
永遠は有り得ないコトがこの世の確かな約束なんて 解かりきってたじゃない…？
(Why do humans, why do humans, in a limited time love, hurt and lose others?)
(Why couldn't we understand that an eternal promise is impossible in this world?)
拝啓 貴方へ どこで 今 何想っているの？
罪な 私の 躯を（もう一度）愛してくれませんか？
(Dear you, right now, where are you and what are you thinking?)
(A sinned body, would you love me (again)?)
忘れないで 忘れないで 世論に反しても確かな絆が交わされていた事
(I won't forget, I won't forget, wanting to create a change in public opinion)
「我輩ハ、殺女ナリ」
I don't know why, but I've always liked that song. I just threw in some random translation so someone doesn't put it in google and get awkward stuff.
I knew that at some point there will be things like 'disbanding'. Just like long ago I already understood that 'forever' was not possible. Well that feeling was like wanting to be with someone forever, to know the person as the same person forever. But at some point there would be changes and we would forget. Painful things sometimes come, but ironically I think they bring out what I am afraid to show. Things I'll only do without thinking and acting only on feelings. They were like inspirations even as I knew they were done out of self-satisfaction. Drawing things to satisfy myself.
I don't know when and I don't know how, but these words got into my head and changed me in ways I didn't know. They were like honest feelings, raw and straight out from a heart. I let them influence me and I began to think, "I want to be a more honest person. I don't want to just be useful but achieve what I always dreamt of from the start. Even if they were filled with selfishness."
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I just watched some nico video where Jui was doing a live broadcast. Like to talk about the disband. At first he was just talking about how Vidoll had been together for 9 years. And then about his solo and stuff. He also talked about the last live and how they want to still give a 'cool image' or something. He was apologizing to the fans and saying how even if he speaks here he can't explain the reason for the disband. He said something about wanting to continue his dream.
Then at the end he said the last thing he wanted to say... He said something like, "It was really... sudden. I'm really sorry. We really wrote alot of songs... Even now, please continue to support us. The five of us - Jui, Shun, Rame, Giru, Tero - please support us wherever we go from here. Until the end... thanks for watching and listening. Goodbye. Vidoll's vocalist, Jui."
He started crying. I could hear it in his voice, he was trying so hard to hold back when he said the last message. I think he wore the sunglasses to hide it. And when he started crying I just cried. Especially when he named all the members. Even in his blog he mentioned things about the disband but not like this. He was really sad about it. I wanted him to stop crying cause it was so horrible.
Although I felt sad seeing Jui's solo PV, with other people instead of the band.
"This isn't Vidoll anymore. The band is gone."
But I felt that if this was what he wanted and if he felt this could help him achieve his dream then I'll support him. No matter what songs...
愛してる、樹威さん
ありがとう、そして ごめんなさい